


A Lie to You

by Haruka_1224



Category: League of Legends
Genre: AU, F/F, Idol AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-16 10:32:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11826894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haruka_1224/pseuds/Haruka_1224
Summary: "My first, last and best lie to you"I'll be fine even if I'm all alone."It is not true in my heart, these words of farewell."Ashe is a popular young idol with a strict contract, and Katarina is just another ordinary schoolgirl. And they know, from the moment they fell in love, that it was doomed to end.





	A Lie to You

Neat rows of students, all dressed in the same, crisp uniforms, trying not to look to eager to leave as the clock’s minute hand inched closer and closer to the end of the school day. Identical school bags, distinguished only by badges and straps, regulation white -soled shoes differentiated by size and the names scrawled over the strap - it was all so ordinary, the boring parts of a regular, private high-schooler’s life, the kind of thing no one would look twice at.

But to 17 year old Ashe, standing alone outside the classroom wearing a t-shirt advertising tour dates, jet-lagged and exhausted, a security guard an arm’s length behind her, it was a world she longed to be a part of. High school was supposed to be an essential part of every teenager’s life, or so she was told, but she had never properly gotten to experience much of it.

In her first year of junior high, she had been talent-scouted by a huge idol company, and halfway through that year, she was famous enough to have her schooling disrupted and her experience distorted by breakaway fame. Once, she was just another girl in the crowd, albeit one with snow-white hair, but practically overnight, she ascended to some other form of existence, and by second year she had to transfer to a specialized idol junior high to avoid being mugged by fans.

Her manager had insisted she move on to the affiliated idol senior high, obviously, when the time came, but her parents refused to compromise - Kaisei Senior High was the prestigious, private senior high that they had both graduated from, and they wanted her to have the same education as they did. Hence, after many rounds of discussions between Kaisei’s school board and Ashe’s company, they had come to an agreement - Ashe would attend school whenever she was not on tour with a guard, have no need to do any extra-curricular activities that might expose her to uncomfortable conversations by fans within the school, and whenever she was away, she would have to keep up with everyone else using special online materials her teachers would prepare.

It was not the ordinary life she longed for, but Ashe supposed that things could have been worse - in an idol senior high, she would be surrounded by other famous people, all leading their plastic-perfect lives in the middle of unbearably hectic schedules and impossibly high stress levels.

“Ah, Ashe, what are you doing here today?” she turned to see the physical education teacher, a small, wiry and energetic young woman everyone just called Tia. “Weren’t you supposed to be back in school tomorrow?”

“Tia-sensei,” she bowed politely, earning a chuckle from her teacher, “My flight landed early.”

“And you decided to make a beeline for _school_?” she smiled incredulously, “You must be the only kid in the world who would do that.”

Ashe smiled and nodded - Tia was probably right. Most children would not go back to school any earlier than they had to, even if it was just to linger outside the classrooms like a stalker. No, they would probably be going to an arcade or shopping or, as any sane person who just flew back to Japan after spending two months in Europe would, _go to bed._

With a cheerful wave, Tia went on her way - probably readying things for the baseball club’s practice later - leaving Ashe to return to her staring. Everyone was starting to get twitchy, especially a certain redhead slouched in the back of the class, doodling meaningless circles into her textbook.

She hadn’t changed a bit, not that Ashe had really expected her to. She had only been gone two months, after all, even if it did feel like two years. She had missed Katarina with a startling intensity, but had been too busy to do much more than dash off a few texts in the car, before collapsing in bed or at breakfast in the hotel. It felt nice to finally be back, even if she still hadn’t managed to get her company to ease on the rules and allow her to go out with Katarina in public.

_As stated in the contract, only friends you knew before signing it are exempt from the rules. You knew full well what you were signing, Ashe._

Yeah, as if a thirteen year old could understand the gravity of signing away any potential friendships. Still, Ashe couldn't really complain - at least, they could still hang out in school, text and call without restriction, and sometimes play online games together until 4 in the morning.

As the minute hand crept ever closer to the mark of freedom, Ashe pulled her phone from her pocket, dashing a quick text to her friend.

_I’m at the last window of your classroom; will you be coming out soon?_

As Katarina sent her response, the bell rang, not that anything changed in the classroom. The teacher continued talking, her hands gesturing wildly to emphasize whatever it was she was talking about, but the class’ attention had long seeped out of them like air out of a balloon.

_Once Yamazaki finishes this damn story, I’ll be right there._

Ashe chuckled faintly; Yamazaki-sensei had a penchant of telling long, unrelated stories. It would be cute if she were a friend, a junior, somebody younger instead of a teacher, because she ended up spending a lot of time talking about pointless things. Some students didn’t mind that little quirk of hers, but most of them would rather have a severe teacher than a talkative, friendly one.

At least you knew what to do with a severe one, Ashe supposed, the lines were really clear, and they were easy to hate. Hating someone made being disrespectful or angry at them easier, but with someone as likable yet annoying as Yamazaki-sensei… she made things difficult.

Leaning against the wall, Ashe decided to kill time by scrolling through the many “welcome home” replies that filled her official Twitter feed, as well as excited tweets from the European fans who had enjoyed her concerts. She loved seeing how she could make so many people happy, it made her feel as if everything she had endured and done was worth it. She had missed so many months of school in the last year and a half she was at Kaisei, flown all over the world and grown apart from so many friends, but there were hundreds of thousands of people who smiled because of her and that was all the payment she needed.

A few minutes later, the doors opened, and Katarina was right there in front of her, smiling that crooked little smile of hers that she had missed more than anything.

“It’s been a while,” Ashe smiled, wringing her hands behind her back as she struggled to contain the urge to hug her.

“Really? I hadn’t noticed,” Katarina laughed, raising her arms in surrender at the mock-hurt look that was shot at her. “Please don’t look at me like that, Ashe.”

Suddenly, Ashe leaned forward, a little frown creasing her eyebrows as she stared intently at Katarina’s rapidly reddening face. For a moment, the silence stretched awkwardly, until Ashe asked, “Did you cut your hair differently?”

“Ah,” Katarina swallowed, looking like a deer-in-the-headlights, “It was… getting into my eyes, so I changed it.”

Tilting her head to one side appraisingly, Ashe smiled, “It looks good on you.”

“T-thanks.”

 

* * *

 

“K-Kat? Is something wrong?”

Katarina had not said a word since she grabbed Ashe by the wrist and dragged her out of the classroom during lunch, ignoring the weird glances being thrown at them from every window. She had no idea what was going on, what was wrong or why Katarina was acting so strangely, and it worried her.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” she asked again, as Katarina mounted the steps to the roof, throwing open the door despite the warning sign for students to _keep out._

Stumbling to a halt just a few steps from the door, Katarina stood in silence, tension radiating off her entire body as if she were a man being led to an electric chair.

Concerned, Ashe gently touched her shoulder, trying to lighten the atmosphere with a joke, “Where’s the dead body I need to hide, Kat?”

She did not even crack a smile, her hands trembling at her sides. Before Ashe could speak again, Katarina pulled a letter out of her pocket and thrust it wordlessly at her. Startled and confused, she stared at the letter, then at Katarina, who was still turned away from her, wondering what in the world it could be.

Did something happen to her family, and she would have to leave? Ashe knew Katarina wasn’t from Tokyo, or anywhere relatively nearby - her family was all the way in Kochi. Did she have to go back for some reason? Or was it something else, was she sick, was this from the hospital? Katarina did say some sort of rare genetic illness ran in her family - it had killed her father and her younger sister was currently hospitalized for it, and it had no cure. Was that why she was so pale and shaky?

Before Ashe could go into complete panic mode, however, she took a second look at the envelope - it was sealed by a blue, heart-shaped sticker, the kind you could get at the 100-yen store in sheets of 50. And a sticker like that meant only one thing.

It was a confession, the cheesy, love-letter type that Ashe had never imagined Katarina would entertain.

As she took the letter, she let her fingers brush over the back of Katarina’s hand, chuckling softly when she jumped.

“This is so unlike you,” she teased, shifting so that she could look her friend in the eye. “It’s adorable.”

Katarina turned a vivid shade of red, almost the same shade as her hair, “S-shut up.”

 

* * *

 

“How was the concert?”

Katarina’s voice was like a soothing balm for her exhausted soul, and Ashe flopped into bed with an exaggerated sigh of relief.

“It was amazing,” she mumbled into the pillow, hoping that her phone was sensitive enough to pick up her words. “The crowd was electric, and now my battery is on empty.”

“You should go to sleep. You’ve got another event tomorrow, don’t you?”

“Today,” Ashe corrected, looking at the clock, “It’s already past midnight.”

Katarina frowned, sounding very much like her mother, “Go to sleep!”

Ashe laughed, rolling over on her back and staring up at the ceiling. She was exhausted, yes, but the excitement of the concert was still thrumming in her veins, and it would take quite a while before she calmed enough to sleep. London was a great city, she adored it, and the fans were so unabashedly energetic and eager to meet her. It gave her more than enough energy to last the day, even on two hours of sleep, and the makeup department was definitely skilled enough to conceal her dark eye circles.

“I love you,” she said suddenly.

Katarina turned bright red, vivid enough for Ashe to tell through the screen, “I - what was that, all of a sudden?”

“I’m just happy,” she said, and well, that was true enough. She had a great concert with fans she adored, and could go back to the hotel to a video call with her girlfriend. What else could she hope for?

Well, if Katarina could physically be there, that would be nice, but Ashe knew that it would never happen. If her company found out about them, times would be difficult, since her contract explicitly stated no dating _anyone_. (They had learned from previous idols who dated the same gender and proved they hadn’t broken any rules because the contracts had been gender-specific and heteronormative.)

“You’re weird,” Katarina mumbled, a small smile tugging at the edges of her lips, “But I love you anyway.”

“Thank you.”

Alone in a massive suite in London, miles away from home, where people spoke a language that would never truly be hers no matter how fluent she was, Ashe had never felt more at home.

 

* * *

 

“Ashe, I need to talk to you about something.”

“Oh, Manager! Sure,” she turned, pasting on her plastic, bright idol smile as he sat across from her, the serious look on his face a few degrees harsher than usual. It set her on edge, making her smile stretch even wider. “What is the matter?”

He frowned, sliding a brown envelope onto the table as he said, “Your publicity team has found something very worrying circulating the internet.”

He was trying to make her uncomfortable with artificial suspense, with elongated silences and disapproving frowns, and Ashe hated to admit that it was working. She had a faint idea what said “worrying” matter was, and she hoped and prayed to every deity, demon and god that ever existed that it was something else.

“I am sure you are aware of the clauses in your contract, Ashe,” he said, the pulling out a copy and sliding it across the table to her. A section of it was highlighted in yellow, and Ashe felt her stomach dropping away as she read it.

The no-dating clause, one of the most infamous rules in the idol industry.

She nodded, hoping that her fear wasn’t showing too clearly, “I do. Is something wrong?”

“I was hoping you would be honest with me,” he sighed deeply, and Ashe knew straight away that everything was over. Even before he opened the envelope and pulled out those photographs, she knew, there was no point in lying.

Those photos were weeks old, they were hidden away in the school garden after the bell, sharing a bento that Katarina had made, flirting and giggling and stealing kisses like the giddy teenagers in love that they were. It seemed that they had not been as alone as they had thought, the pictures were well-taken - maybe someone in the gardening club had set up cameras or something.

That the manager had waited til now to confront her with them meant that he had probably done his own research beforehand, and he must have found out the truth.

“How long have you known?” she croaked, failing to keep her voice from breaking.

“Three weeks,” he said, “We had you watched closely during that time, so there is no point in lying. I am sure you already picked that up.”

Ashe struggled to swallow past the lump that was lodged in her throat, “I did.”

He sighed again, pulling out an assortment of files from the envelope, and Ashe felt her blood run cold as her eyes skimmed over them. A school transfer document for a school in Kyoto, her parents’ official stamps already on them, the punishment section of her contract with the appropriate passages highlighted in yellow...

“I did not want to have to do this to you, Ashe,” he said, without an ounce of emotion in his voice, “But we have no other choice. You will be moving to Kyoto immediately, your social media will be restricted, and you can only use your official LINE account to contact people.”

“And,” Ashe interrupted him, no longer bothered about mindfulness, “I have to cut my hair short in an apology to my fans.”

“A video apology,” he clarified, as if she would have forgotten. “And you will swear never to speak to, attempt to contact or meet this girl ever again. We will not go as far as to blacklist her, but we will prevent her from attending meet and greet sessions if we see her.”

Of course, she should have expected this, she should have seen it coming from the moment she said yes to Katarina’s confession. How could two eighteen year olds hide from a company as big as theirs?

“If I say no?” she asked.

“We can sue you for violation of your contract,” he replied, “I would hate to do that to you. You would lose everything.”

“Can I… at least call her to say goodbye?”

Her manager’s face softened by a fraction, and he rose, leaving the assorted papers before her. “Very well. I’ll give you five minutes, and then I’ll be back.”

It made her stomach churn to thank him for his kindness, and the moment the door swung shut behind him, she had her phone to her ear, fingers crossed that Katarina was not too busy to pick up the phone.

She wasn’t, picking up at the third ring, her voice cheerful, though it quickly drained out of her as Ashe explained the situation in choking sobs. Sure, Kyoto was not that far away, but they would not be able to meet anymore. Ashe would be watched, monitored like a drug addict in rehab, carefully controlled so that she would not be able to sneak messages to Katarina under the radar.

It was all over, everything had blown up in the worst way possible.

“But, I won’t give up,” Ashe mumbled, “I’ll fight them. They can take all my money and all the rights to my music, I don’t care. I don’t want to lose you.”

For a moment, Katarina was painfully quiet, stunning Ashe. Wouldn’t she want Ashe to fight for her, to stay with her, shouldn’t she be overjoyed that Ashe was willing to try?

“You can’t,” she murmured, the words shattering Ashe’s heart like glass. “You can’t give everything up for me, Ashe, it isn’t wise.”

“Who cares about wise? I love you!”

Katarina’s response would haunt Ashe’s dreams for years. Her voice was dead, cold, as if she were talking to a pitiful creature crawling at her feet instead of her girlfriend.

“You’re nothing but a first love, Ashe. We both know that what we had wouldn’t last.”

“K-Kat?”

“Go. Don’t throw your career away for something as stupid as this.”

She hung up at that, and before Ashe could try to call her again, to dash off a text, to beg her to reconsider or to explain herself or to _please don’t do this to me_ , her manager came back into the room.

Numbly, she handed her phone over to him, the color bleeding out of her world as she followed mechanically after him to pack her bags for Kyoto.

 

* * *

 

A month, it had been a month of radio silence from Katarina, and Ashe had no idea how she was still breathing. She must have changed her number, Ashe had snuck into payphones on her way back from school, or climbed out her window at midnight, but Katarina’s number was no longer in use. She had severed their link, forced Ashe away from her, and it broke her heart.

She was still smiling, though it no longer reached her eyes, and a few diehard fans commented on how her eyes were the same, haunted ones that pleaded forgiveness from them in her apology video. No matter how normal everything seemed, it was all an act, and Ashe was still as broken as she was when it all unfolded.

They were not wrong, Ashe thought, but her company was eager to move on from the scandal and get her back to her usual, bubbly, lovable self. But Ashe knew that it was impossible, she had changed, and she was not going to grow her hair out again until the day her heart recovered.

Which, right now, felt like never.

“Well, a change to love songs never hurt anyone,” her publicity team had conceded, when she told them what she wanted for her new song. Her manager was a little iffy about it, understandably so, but said that he hoped that letting her do it would “get it out of her system”.

Would it? She had no idea, but she hoped that she would by the end of the night. She was finally back in Tokyo, in Shibuya, specifically, for the release event of said love song. Even if Katarina wouldn’t be there, even if there was no chance for them to meet, she would still be singing this song in the city they had been denied, the city where they had once lived together.

“Is everyone ready?” on stage, the emcee was trying to hype up the crowd, though from the loud shrieks of response, it seemed he was not necessary. The fans were excited for Ashe’s return to Tokyo. “Alright, let’s welcome Ashe on to the stage!”

“Good evening, everyone!” she smiled as the fans screamed a response back at her, jumping up and down and waving lightsticks. She was so grateful to them for standing by her, supporting her and loving her despite the drama of her secret relationship. “I’m so happy to be back in Tokyo. It’s cold in Kyoto.”

Laughter rippled through the crowd as she desperately scanned it for any signs of red, her heart aching when she failed to find it. Of course Katarina wouldn’t show up, she was the one who shut Ashe off. Why would she go out of her way to risk meeting her again?

Taking a deep breath, she cued to the track, a hush falling over her curious audience as she whispered the song’s title into the microphone.

 _“Kimi he no Uso.”_ A Lie to You.

 

あとどれくらいこのままでいい？

気づかないフリをした

いつか壊れてしまうものなら

それも一つの結果と

 

僕は僕のままいられるだろうか

君だけいない世界で

 

_How much longer is it going to stay this way?_

_I pretended not to notice_

_If this is something that will someday have to break_

_That is, too, another outcome_

 

_Will I be able to be myself_

_In a world where only you are not around?_

 

Crying, she was already crying, and she dug her fingernails into her palms in a desperate attempt to keep herself together.

 

もう戻らない、どこにもいない

わかってるから

 

_You won’t return anymore, you aren’t anywhere anymore_

_I know that_

 

Her manager was probably furious, she thought as she wept, because this pretty much told the entire world that she was not truly over the girl she promised never to see again. It painted her company as a bad guy, separating girls who loved each other, and they would not take that lightly.

But she needed this, she wanted Katarina to hear this, even if it would only hurt them both. She would try, she would try to be alright and live on, but she would not pretend that it would be easy.

 

最初で最後の精一杯の君への噓

僕は一人きりでも大丈夫だよ

心にもない離別の言葉

 

_My first, last and best lie to you_

_“I’ll be fine even if I am all alone.”_

_It is not true in my heart, these words of farewell_

 

* * *

 

Five years, it had been five years since that day, and she had never once sung that song again. Everything seemed great, the years had been kind to her - her fans accepted her change without much fuss, adapting to her short hair and new, boyish style in the blink of an eye. She had befriended tons of female idols, and there were rumors about her dating at least three of them because of how close they were, she had released dozens of albums, done multiple world tours and expanded her fanbase - her life was perfect. Even the sadness in her eyes seemed to have dulled, and no one really brought up the drama with Katarina.

It felt like an entire lifetime ago, Ashe thought, a distant thing that happened in another world. It looked as if it no longer affected her, she smiled and laughed more easily than before, and going to Tokyo no longer gave her incessant nightmares and intense nausea.

If only they knew the truth, the promise she had made to herself regarding her hair…

Shaking the thought from her mind, Ashe juggled the microphone in her sweat-slick palms, aware that her manager would not be too happy about what she was going to do. It was this day exactly, five years ago, that he had split her life in two with an axe, pulling her from Katarina’s arms. A month later, she had stood here and poured her heart out with a song that had proceeded to mysteriously disappear from her performance list.

And now, she was going to do it again.

 

* * *

 

Katarina had done well enough for herself, she supposed, scraping her broken heart together and forging onward. She had graduated from Tokyo University with honors, and had been working an ordinary job like all her ordinary classmates for a while.

She remained a loyal fan of Ashe’s, though she could not bring herself to attend a live event after Ashe ripped her heart out in Shibuya, a month after they separated. She had dyed her hair black, tied it up and tucked it away inside a cap, blending in with the crowd of ordinary fans, and the moment that song ended, she had ran out of the venue.

It was a relief to see the sadness slowly creep out of Ashe’s eyes, even if it made her feel a pang of jealousy. It was good if Ashe could forget her, move on - there were so many girls out there that would make her happier than Katarina ever could.

“Hey, Kata,” she looked up at the sound of her name, frowning as she saw the smirking face of “Talon”. His real name was Riku, but he preferred the “cool” nickname from his youth, even though he risked coming across as unprofessional.

“What?” she snapped, shoving the last of her completed paperwork into the tray, “Can’t you see I’m done for the day?”

“Good,” his smile was too bright, it made her feel suspicious. “You’re a huge fan of that idol, Ashe, was it? She’s got a release event at Shibuya’s Tower Records in an hour, and I’m taking you.”

She paled, her stomach falling away beneath her, “What?”

“There’s a meet-and-greet if you buy her CD, and I know you will, so why not?” he grabbed her by the arm, dragging her out the door. “You’ve been so sulky lately, what else to cheer you up but idols?”

Refusing her repeated protests, Talon practically dragged her along the street and down to the subway, shoving her onto the train and promising her that she’d thank him later when she was all giddy and happy like those teenage fangirls.

As she counted down the stops between Ueno and Shibuya on the Ginza Line, Katarina felt an increasing sense of foreboding. Ashe didn’t remember her, there was no way, and even if she magically did, she wasn’t an important person to her anymore. She was just another stranger with whom she shared a brief past, nothing else.

It would be okay, Ashe probably wouldn’t even recognize her. She had black hair now, and she got a scar over her eye from a dumb accident doing experiments in third year. She had changed, grown taller, her face thinner - the girl Ashe had known was long gone.

Before she knew it, she was shoved into the crowded basement of Tower Records, a CD in one hand and a ticket for the handshake event in the other, Talon smirking by her side as they waited for Ashe to appear. Her heart was thumping against her ribcage, thudding up inside her throat, and Katarina was afraid that she might throw up the second Ashe showed up.

“Good evening, Shibuya!”

There it was, that cheerful, sweet voice that she had always loved, and the fans roared energetically in response. Katarina’s stomach lurched, and she sank her fingers into Talon’s shoulder, ignoring his surprised yelp as she tried to get a grip on herself.

“I have a special song for you tonight,” Ashe said, her voice suddenly growing serious.

Katarina’s eyes widened at that - no, Ashe had to be kidding, there was no way she was going to-

_“Kimi he no Uso.”_

 

* * *

 

 

“You did really well tonight, too, Ashe,” the backstage staff were all smiling at her, handing her towels and a bottle of cool water while others set up the table and organized the fans into a line for the handshake event.

“Thank you,” she said with a smile, drawing strength from the depths of her soul to maintain her peppy idol facade for the event.

Every fan would have two minutes to speak to her and shake her hand, and she was pretty sure she would get a few questions about her song choice for the evening, one she would have to dodge. And she would need to be nice even to the sleaziest of guys, and she really hoped no one would be asking for her three sizes tonight.

“Everything is ready,” one of the staff popped his head in to inform them, and she thanked him automatically as she stood up, her mask fixed firmly on her face.

“Ashe!” the first fan ushered to her was an energetic, middle-aged man, a very devoted fan who showed up at every single event he could manage. He tracked her release events all over the country from the moment she made her debut, back in junior high school.

Mechanically, she greeted him excitedly, remarked on his shiny new jacket, and thanked him for taking the time to see her. He was one of the more annoying ones, talking too much and too fast, but it was easy enough to tune him out and just smile, making the appropriate noises.

“Excuse me, sir, your time is up,” a member of staff tapped him on the shoulder, but he ignored them, plunging into the next story. Once again, she prodded him, her voice louder now, but Ashe knew it would not be easy to get him to cooperate.

“It’s great to see you again,” Ashe said, tossing a _I’ll deal with it_ look to the put-out looking staff member, “But it would be rude of me to hold everyone else up, wouldn’t it?”

“Ah,” he nodded, grinning like a village idiot, “Of course! Ashe is always so thoughtful.”

Her cheeks were starting to ache with the effort of smiling at him, and she kept saying goodbye to him as he slowly walked off, the staff stopping just short of manhandling him as they nudged him off the stage. He was a pain to deal with most of the time, really, but he was a nice enough man and she hoped that someday, he would learn to be a little more mindful.

“It’s been a long time.”

The voice made Ashe turn from the man so quickly, her neck snapped. Her eyes widened as she took in the fan standing in front of her - a familiar, yet unfamiliar face. Long, black hair, emerald green eyes that reminded Ashe of a time when she was truly happy, a wry, nervous smile…

It couldn’t be, but it was.

 

_Katarina._

**Author's Note:**

> If you'd like to listen to the song, you can find it on YouTube - 君への噓 by VALSHE.  
> The story was inspired by The Hoopers' Mirai's "dating situation" in their 7th CD, "SHAMROCK".
> 
> I would like to thank @katashe on Tumblr for letting me rant about this idea to them while I was working on it!


End file.
